Hello! After my return to Sweden and the online grind, I just lost and lost and lost. It was not that many hands (20kish) and the loss was "only" around $3000 but it just kinda reminded me about the ps and downs in poker, how bad I have felt at times and how ungrateful it could be. This year I played mostly PLO, a new and swingy game for me and even though I prob could grind FLSH for a decent salary, it too has variance. After loosing 8 or 9 straight playing days (I took a few days off etc) I was just done. I told myself that I would grind out the rake I needed for some bonuses and then just cash the shit out.
This is kinda what I did yesterday, soon I wont have a single dollar at a online poker site. This kinda makes the future a bit different. If i decde to fully stop playing poker then I guess I would have to find other income when I am not studying. I have 3 years left btw at university and basically I could just spend the 3 months per year I have free doing nothing but with the cost of uni etc, that would just feel awful.
Anyhow, I think ill take the rest of the summer to work on a few new projects that actually is uncharted territory for me and learn something new, maybe some of them will generate the income and that could possibly be the end of poker. If that doesnt pan out I might consider a return to poker next summer. I have some cash from poker winnings that I put into mutual funds and its possible that I could put the profit from that into a second try. Of course I could put it but it is just the mental/moral aspect, right now I do not want to take any "real money" to put into poker again.
Poker in retrospect
All in all I have to be decently happy about my poker career so far even though I would have wished to make more money (I know there are a lot more that made a lot more). 9 years of playing has allowed me to purchase a nice apartment, travel to 30+ countries, visit Vegas a few times and all that while studying fulltime at university for 8 of those years (making me TOO educated, haha). The later years has been a battle uphill. 2013 was decent, but 2012 was a waste of time, 2014 the first losing year after 40-50k hands and 2011 wasnt that impressive either. There is a lot of things I could have done differently to have a lot more stable results (why the fuck did I have to play 100/200 once and 50/100 a lot (30k hands at least) , even if I only played higher if major fish was there (60 vpip+) and like one year I made "only" 40k$ since I lost like 80k$ on 50/100 or something like that. Also some year I played a bit too much HU while multitabling. I have done well playing FLHE HU historically but the variance can be quite brutal there if you do not hit. One year I lost like 15k$ at FLHE HU with stats like wtsd 45% won sd 40% (insane!), if I had just stuck to 3 handed+ I would have done better. The same thing early one when my PLO-game wasnt too great, I freaking played PLO 5/10$ at times, loosing i think 30k$. Anyways, all the gambles I did at higher games was soooo +EV since I always played with huge fish but I was very unfortunate that they almost never worked. I guess I have a few hundred thousands of sklanskyBucks to cash out at the imaginery bank. Those would have been nice to have gathered!
Ohh well, could'da would'a should'a! It kinda is tempting to actually continue somehow, perhaps trying out the 8games or something but even though I am sure I could use the lessons I have learnt and turn out an okay profit for august with time, you have to weigh it against the shitty sides and its prob +lifeEV for me right now to stop and at least take a break, perhaps for 6 months, 1 year or forever. I realize how I am seemingly put in way too much effort into this post, writing all high almighty but it is kinda difficult to realize that you are about to remove a big part of your life. I am quite happy putting this time and energy on other stuff I have neglected in the past. I hope I will actually pursue those things and not replace them by something less productive, like watching tvshows. Or 8game!? Ahh I am tempted.... Gaah!! Very tempted..
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